As a young child you were my biggest role model and I tried my hardest to make you happy. However, despite my efforts it seemed as if nothing I did was good enough for you. I didn’t understand why you were so hard on me when I did everything you asked of me. When you would wake me up before the sun rose on weekends and daily during the summer, despite my grogginess, I was happy to tag along with you and learn whatever the lesson you were teaching. I vividly remember that at the end of each day I would be upset because all you would talk about was what I did wrong or what wasn’t to your liking.
After years of disappointment, I began to build resentment towards you. I was your only son and nothing I did made you proud. As I grew older things got worse. I no longer wanted to go to work with you, I know longer wanted to spend time with you, you forced me to go to a school I hated, and you never let up on me. Despite this I would still seek ways of gaining your approval. Once I began playing sports, I thought that would be the solution to make you proud of me. I was determined to excel at every sport I participated in. It took a few years, however I did just that. After all, all dads dream of having a son as a star athlete, right? Well you rarely came to my games. Whenever I would ask you to attend, your response was always the same. I have to work! Really dad, I would think. You’re going to choose work over me?
The days you attended I could hear your voice so clear it seemed like you were on the field. “Get em son, get em”, “hit em son, hit em”, was music to my ears. To impress you and win your approval, I would punish my opponent. I would give my all and be excited to talk to you about the game. That excitement was always short lived because you would only talk about what I did wrong or how someone got pass me.
Enough was enough. I gave up on trying to please you and build a relationship with you. Those things no longer mattered to me. As long as I had my mother, I didn’t need you. I would do things to purposely avoid seeing and talking to you. I thought you failed as a father.
I don’t know if you remember the big blow up, we had but that was a turning point for me. During that argument you told me that you raised me the best way you knew how. You explained to me what your definition of a father was. In that moment, I realized that you were the best father one could ever have. You exceed what your definition was. You sacrificed so much even when you didn’t have to. You made sure that we didn’t want for anything. Moreover, you were instilling in me your wisdom so that I didn’t make the same mistakes you did. You were preparing me to excel not on the athletic field but the field of life.
When my injury occurred, I needed everything you taught me. You knew at some point I would need those lessons; however, no one could predict it would be so soon. Laying in the hospital bed alone one night I realized why you were so relentless on me. I was extremely grateful. You built my self-confidence, you built my mental capacity to deal with tough times, and you saved my life.
Today, I know that you’re proud of me and I have finally gotten your approval. I appreciate you still being hard on me because now I view it through an entirely different lens. I know that’s your “love language” and it’s coming from a good place. We’ve come so far, and I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything. I look forward to our next journey together.
Thanks Dad. Thank you so much for your unwavering love, sacrifices, and support. Thanks for being a great role model. Thanks for always being my superman.
Happy Father's Day
I love you!!!
Lesson of the blog:
It’s never too late to mend relationships. Sometimes your perspective could be off, therefore do your best to not make assumptions. The only way to truly know how a person feel is to ask them. If you intend on repairing broken relationship make a conscious decision to not hold the past against the person. Agree to move forward and build from there.